Dying and Death

But I Don't Want To Talk About That!

I get it. Who doesn’t put death on the back burner until it's too late? I’ve long circled this topic myself, paying lip service to it, reluctant to think or talk about it. Perhaps you’ve had to face dying or death by way of a loved one’s terminal illness, the sudden passing of a neighbor, news reports of the murders of strangers, your work as a medical professional, or a personal close call with accident, disease, or NDE.

We all have such powerful reference points.

You might vividly remember a grandmother’s peaceful passing as your first experience of someone being gone forever, or vaguely recall a childhood friend tragically dying from a rare form of cancer. Maybe you've lost a parent, a partner, or a pet. How many of us have known or loved people who died by suicide? Those who haven’t experienced death first hand have heard all about it and wonder when and how it will visit them.

Is Death No Big Deal or Just Too Much?

Have you ever heard someone say "Oh I'm not afraid to die" and questioned the veracity of their statement?

I think there's a difference between knowing we will die in a death-and-taxes kind of way and realizing on a deeper level that we will die, and that we aren't just unprepared -- we're without guidance and afraid. The resulting avoidance of the topic is normalized and passes from one generation to the next, influencing how our children will approach or deny the fact of our deaths, and their own.

If the tendency is to overlook or vilify what must ultimately be met by every one of us -- this Death -- what is there to do when it’s time to die (if there’s even time to consider what to do at that point) but feign bravery and fight the good (ultimately unwinnable) fight, while on some level feeling bewildered and alone.

Is there a middle way here? Something between avoidance and unbearable overwhelm when considering dying and death? I believe so.

We could bring them to the front burner long before it's too late to do so, and however doing so looks and feels to us. We can challenge the prevailing tendency to see life and death as mere concepts, or opponents, and instead consider the fact of them and their inseparability. Not easy, for sure, or everyone would be doing it. We may find hubris, superstitions, traditions, and beliefs about death that feel too awkward, sacrilegious, or dangerous to unpack. I'm here to help with those obstacles to what I've found to be crucial contemplations and conversations.

Together in the Turning Toward...

A Zen master was asked about dying. Paraphrasing a paraphrase, I believe he said: We’re all going to die pretty soon. I will, you will, others will. We are already together in that. So let’s really be together in that.

My own closest experiences with death -- a dear grandmother, a stillborn daughter, a sister in hospice at home, a loved one in a nursing facility -- have inspired me to relate to dying and death with greater courage and clarity. I’ve experienced family and friends caring for loved ones with presence and tenderness. I’ve seen and felt resistance and disconnect, too. There's learning either way.

I'm sure you've learned plenty from your experiences around dying and death, too.

I believe considering death long before it's absolutely necessary, whether building on or dismantling what we already know, together in therapy on the way to a discussion at home, is a courageous and generous act.

Although I don’t plan to serve formally as a death doula, I trained in this area recently (August - November 2025). From that training, along with spiritual practices, hospice volunteering, and personal planning around dying and death, I can offer support and resources (links below) relevant to aging, illness, dying, death, and the afterward.

I appreciate whatever willingness clients have to consider the dying side of life -- whether grieving loved ones long gone or pre-grieving and planning for their own last days -- especially as a means to de-escalate the fear and distress that come with end-of-life.

May our shared consideration of dying and death be contagious and compassionate.

When You Die: Raising Awareness About Death

Dead Good: Documentary About Death

National Hospice and Palliative Care Org

Penn Palliative Care

Penn Hospice

Friends of Green Burial PA

Funeral Consumers Alliance of PA