I got into this work because I wonder a lot about how, why, and whether things are the way they seem to be.
It all started in 1975...
My sister and I were riding with our Dad in his Buick, going home from church. There must've been a sermon that Sunday that a five-year-old could understand because I was thinking really deep thoughts. From the back seat while practicing tying my shoes, I wondered, "What's behind everything?" I imagined telescoping out from our car and neighborhood to outer space and the edge of the universe, then peeling it all back like a poster from a wall. I wanted to know what was back there. I didn't get past the top left corner. It was incomprehensible, whatever was behind everything. Maybe a monster, I thought. Curious but afraid, I went back to tying my shoes.
Like you...
I've been through difficult things like bullying as a kid, mood and substance/eating disorders as a teen, a stillbirth as a newly married young woman, divorce and parenting fails, suicides of people I cared about, losing my sister to cancer, and burnout due to low pay and high stress in my early years as a therapist. Arising from those ashes... I started a private practice in 2015 to work in a healthy way for the long haul, bought a home in 2019 that would also serve a professional purpose, enjoyed ultrarunning and Team USA dragon boating in beautiful places with interesting people, and have thrived with MS for 25 years.
The day the lightbulb went on...
I decided to become a therapist after attending a talk given by His Holiness the Dalai Lama at Rutgers University in New Jersey in 2005. Someone in the thousands-large audience asked him how we could conquer aggression in the world. He said something like: "Know yourself." My head exploded. I took his advice to mean that winning the war on aggression starts at home, like really at home, within each and every of us. I figured, given success in my own therapy, that with the right training, I could help others learn that their "enemies" were very close, and therefore workable. So, off I went to graduate school, and then advanced mindfulness trainings.
But for the grace of these...
I've learned from the best -- professors, therapists, and authors renowned in their niches; generous buddhist teachers, parents, and friends; people who've hurt me; and people I've hurt. Culled from these, my understanding of suffering is that all beings are inherently sane, and yet afraid, trying at times aggressively hard to be safe and belong and be loved in a world full of hurt and uncertainty. Given my experiences, I cannot muster harsh judgement for anyone on the planet for their unscrupulous efforts and impact, let alone anyone seeking support to change. As I listen to peoples' stories, what's behind the suffering shows itself. And it is no monster, I promise.
What happens in therapy with me...
In a safe, nonjudgmental space, we will wonder about what has gone wrong for you. We will bring curiosity to assumptions about yourself and others you may not know you had. Through exploring how your habits of thought and behavior have come to be, it will become clear how they've both served and limited you. You'll be encouraged and equipped to cultivate a more flexible, daring sense of yourself and others, despite the pull of old ways. This has been my path, too. Thanks on behalf of the countless hurt people who hurt people, all of us to some degree, who will benefit from your good hard efforts and insight.