You maybe don't want me to thank you for your service. Or, you're irate with people who don't realize let alone appreciate what you've sacrificed. And really, none of us civilians can understand. We don't want to, and you may not want us to either because, well -- that movie line: we can't handle the truth. It's hard enough for you to make sense of what you've seen or done and how you feel about it. Anyone not serving with you will not really understand, or will be straight up avoidant or judgmental.
That won't be the case here, where your truth will be welcome and respected.
Many service members have reported that life made sense in a military setting -- the mission was clear even if unthinkable, the hierarchy was reliable, and the camaraderie was solid. Some have reported not making it past recruit training due to mental breakdown or physical violence. At the other end of the spectrum, some have reported actions in the line of duty, during one or multiple tours, that have haunted them daily ever since or that come intrusively back to memory out of nowhere a dozen years later. Some have reported dissatisfaction with conventional help for veterans and/or an inability to relate with other service members for many reasons after discharge, leaving them with no one to talk to.
Most military I've worked with suffer with C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) which means they've likely experienced traumas prior to their military experiences (e.g., childhood abuse) that have made it easier to succeed in military life and harder to process military traumas later. As a result, life after service can be especially complicated by an inability to regulate emotions and navigate relationships. Sleep disorders, alcohol abuse, dissociation, and panic/rage attacks are painfully familiar, and suicide is disproportionately common in this population.
Living more fully and at peace may seem a foreign, impossible, and even dangerous mission. Working with the experiences of being misunderstood and disrespected, abandoned and isolated, afraid and enraged in civilian life where your skills, vigilance, and routines don't fit or meet with appreciation will require courage to go in directions you didn't sign up for. But if you realize you're hurting and/or hurting others, this process will be worth your effort.
I can help.
If you're feeling self-punishing or suicidal, please go here or here or here.