A daughter sent that to me in a text, and for better and worse, depending on the context and who you ask, it is probably true.

You're paying me to arrange the days such that I have the conditions for change -- whatever is needed to meet my own monsters and disarm my own demons, be my own hero and pay my own guides, untangle my own unease and disease, refuse grudges and accept blame, look into blind spots, hear myself think, feel my heart break, take deep breaths, be with good people and be good alone, know and trust myself, be myself. 

Then I can accompany you.

On a practical level, you're paying for me to attend relevant trainings and retreats, complete required coursework, maintain licenses and certifications, carry multiple insurances, keep a manageable schedule and a nice office. 

On a personal level, you're paying for me to sustain self and connections with others. To have time with parents, visit daughters and teachers, practice and study with friends, run a few days a week, take breaks between clients, take care of my dogs, eat and sleep well. 

On a deep level, since there's no cure for suffering, you're paying me to work honestly with mine so I can relate clearly to yours. You're paying me not to run into traffic, set anyone on fire, or berate myself at the end of the day no matter how hard things seem in my life. You're paying me not to indulge or avoid upset -- to stay, be patient, hold forth, let go, think twice, and get back on my horse.

You're paying me to live in the same world as you that provides equally for criminals and hummingbirds and to wonder about that weirdness, to navigate the same loneliness you sometimes do and to keep generating love and compassion no matter what, to work just like you with-not-against the powerful energy of reminders of hardship on the way to peace of mind, society, and planet.

You're paying me to help people create the conditions for their own sanity so that those people naturally become conditions for the sanity of others. Among the many who are confused and hurting themselves (and others by extension), helpers like me are neglecting themselves every day. Though I can understand how that happens, I believe that need not be so.

This post is to say that you're paying therapists for what isn't obvious, to practice what we preach, make the right choices when no one is looking, especially when it's hardest. Having ventured many a heroic bypass, i.e., not wanting to see and do all I encourage you to, you're paying me to take the cape off and submit to whatever is needed in order to be a better human. In a very cool feedback-loop way, your payment is a condition for change for me that fuels my ability to be a condition for change for you.

Thank you for paying me to be and do this work, which I truly enjoy.