Coming Eventually... This blog post as originally planned will take a while to take shape, if ever, because it feels so crucial and precarious to address, from all angles, what I think to be a "careful-what-you-wish-for-narcissists-don't-just-fall-out-of-trees" dilemma. Since the topic feels that important, anything I write at this time would be pressured and miss the mark.
In the meantime, in keeping with my insistence that there's an Alanis song for every occasion, here are a few that crudely and gender-typically describe the narcissist and those who love/hate him and run over each other to be (with) him as well as the spine-severing self-sacrificing that keeps narcissism going -- swap out gender references as needed while singing -- and here is a lovely song of alternatives. Here are some insightful voices on narcissism in the more academic and psychospiritual realms: Caroline Myss, A. H. Almaas, and Terry Real.
I think the antidote for this most disowned projection of all time -- the problem of narcissism that underpins all isms and cides and starts as a deep wish we all have -- is The Heart of Compassion by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, and specifically therein, The 37 Verses on the Practice of a Bodhisattva by Thogme Zangpo, as well as the most beautifully provocative: The Gateway to the Ocean of Bodhichitta: A Mind Training Prayer by Jamgön Kongtrül Lodrö Thayé.
I believe narcissists, those drawn to narcissists, and anyone genuinely interested in understanding and disrupting this dangerously fanciful feedback loop can benefit profoundly from Rinpoche's commentary. I would suggest, after reading the entire book, reciting the Verses and the Prayer every day for the rest of this lifetime or until it all makes perfect sense, whichever comes first. Another heart-opening book by Pema Chodron teaches a practice anyone can learn and do daily thanks to her clear instruction and endless encouragement, Tonglen: The Path of Transformation.
In the absence of my current or future ability to translate concepts around this complex topic of ego, windows (projections), and mirrors (reflections) into a useful blog post, I believe and want to caution that many authors and providers have made a fear-inspired, resentment-fueled, confused and confusing mess of narcissism. If after reading a book or taking a course or attending therapy related to narcissism you find yourself righteous on a mountaintop shaking your fist at all the evil narcissists out there and you feel inspired to show them who's boss and you begin organizing armies in your head to take them out once and for all... Welcome back into the good guy/bad guy dilemma that breeds the very narcissism you think you wanted out of.
May the daring contemplations and practices offered by vast-minded, heart-bound, sanity-saturated teachers have the simultaneously cooling and warming effects on god realm inhabitants, aspirants, victims, and critics that they have had on me. May devotion to genuine compassion reverberate to destroy fear and contempt in every direction and tame/soothe and sate all beings, including especially narcissists.